


Safe in a Kodak

by Whis



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck Begins, F/M, Gen, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt Maddie Buckley, Past Domestic Violence, Protective Maddie Buckley, Spoilers, buck begins speculation, buck begins spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29043555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whis/pseuds/Whis
Summary: When Buck and Maddie's parents visit all hell broke looseSecrets are revealed and Maddie find his relationship with Buck in dangerShe knows how to fix it but to do that she needs to open her old suitcase and revisit her own tomentous past through her brother's pictures
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Kudos: 103
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Safe in a Kodak

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Oliver Stark post](https://www.instagram.com/p/CKeov-eMH1K/)  
>  that inspired [my own theory](https://peroquenotevean.tumblr.com/post/641553948562571264/maddie-and-buck) about Buck Begins, which inspired me to write this
> 
> Thanks to the people in 9-1-1 discord for encouraging me and my crazy ideas
> 
> Warning: links might contain spoilers for Buck Begins

“I WAS NEVER ENOUGH!”

He screams, his face distorted in a mask of rage and hate that leaves everybody silently tied to their sits for a horrifying second.

And Maddie’s heart breaks

She can see behind that mask

The pain, the hurt, the fear, the need

He storms out and she wants to stop him. She fears if she leaves him go she won’t see him again

“Let him go, he just needs time,” his father says, and she feels her blood boil. She wants to yell at them, tell them it’s all their fault because it is, but when she looks at him she sees a vulnerable old man. For the first time in her life, she sees his father as a human being capable of human feelings

It is his fault though. Her mother too, They should have told Buck the truth, they shouldn’t have forced her into a secret she had hated her entire life. 

It has been a burden she didn’t deserve, and now she is free of it, she doesn’t know what to do

It changes everything and it changes nothing

“You should go,” she asks, trying very hard to keep the fury at bay-

It’s their fault, but now she is about to have her own baby she understands them. Only partially. She gets the fear, she doesn’t get the lie. 

Unconsciously, she touches her belly as a silent promise. She promises to her baby she won’t lie to them, she won’t hurt them, she will always be there she will be better than her own parents

They want to fight, she can see it in their expression, but Chimney steps up, to her side, ready to take them away if he has to.

Her mother takes his father’s hand

“We should go” and she can see the exact moment that the fight leaves her father’s body. It’s a first, and he looks so defeated she feels sorry for him and her mother

 _It’s their fault,_ she reminds herself so she stays there, holding Chim’s hand until she is sure her parents have left

“Wow, that was som-” Albert, good old Albert, tries to cut down the tension but Maddie can’t have that, she won’t have that, she needs to fix this and keep her little brother from spiraling

“I need to see Buck…”

“Perhaps your fath-” Chimney tries to reason with her, but she cuts him off

“Please, Howard, trust me… I need to see Buck, if I don’t I… We might lose him, you don’t know him as I do, so please, just take me to Buck’s house,” she begs. He is looking at her eyes, searching for anything that will make him feel she is wrong and she shouldn’t go to Buck’s house. She keeps his gaze and tries to convey all her feelings and words through her eyes

He seems to get it because he tightens the hold on her hand and nods

“I just need something from my bedroom,” she says and walks as fast as her prominent belly allows her

Her old suitcase is still in her closet, hidden under clothes and other ordinary things. It’s not that she tries to hide it from Chimney, and she knows he knows it's there, t’s just that sometimes she needs to keep all the memories gathered inside that suitcase only for herself so she pretends they are hidden and Chimney pretend he doesn't know that case is there

She hasn’t shown its content to anybody, not even Chim, and she hates she is about to open up that case and all those secrets she doesn't want to remember, she is not sure Buck wants to remember those moments either, after all, he never talks about his past and the many lives he has lived

They need to see, or rather Buck needs to see because Buck needs her and this is the only thing that might get through him. And Maddie just needs her brother to be a part of this new family she building with Chim and her baby

It has to be enough, she thinks, hopes

Chim helps her with the suitcase without asking what is it, what she needs it for, and she loves him even more for that.

The short journey to Buck’s house is silent, both of them full of thoughts and fears

She knows Chimney doesn’t want to lost Buck either and not for the first time she wonders how is that her brother doesn’t realize how loved he is by so many people.

Chim waits in the car, even though she knows it's hard for him to leave her go at that moment. She can see he is worried about her, the baby, the case, Buck, and everything, so she kisses him and promises it will be okay. One thing they know for sure is that Buck won't let her get hurt, so he kisses her back and stays in the car even if it's killing him a little. 

She knows Buck won’t open the door easily, and she doesn’t want to use the keys, but she will if she has to. She has to get into his house

So she knocks and begs and prays Buck will open

After a couple of minutes, she starts feeling the baby kicking and she finds herself talking about it

“You see, my feet hurt and I’m too nervous and the baby is kicking and I think Little Mango knows we are fighting and they are afraid, I’m afraid because I don't want my baby to grow up without their uncle, and I know it’s low but I’m pregnant and scared and I need you to hear me out, just five minutes please Buck, give us a chance…”

The door opens abruptly. She should have known that would make her little brother open the door

He looks as miserable as she feels. 

Even though they are siblings, and there is a considerable age gap between them, and also they have been apart for years, they hardly ever fought, not even when they were kids. 

When Buck was a baby Maddie felt the need to provide for him and protect him, and that was a feeling that never went away.

Once Buck was old enough, the same kind of feeling grown within him

So they have always been very close, they have always had each other back and they hardly ever fought

That is why Maddie keeping that secret from Buck hurts him so much, and Maddie understands

She doesn’t have an excuse, she thinks he is entitled to his pain and fury

She doesn’t want forgiveness, she only wants to protect him. It's what she always does.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say about what happened but… I just need 5 minutes Buck, I just need to show you something and explain to you a story…”

“What? More secrets?” he asks and it's hurt to recognize her sweet little brother in that person talking to her with that voice full of venom, so she decides to ignore it, sure in her belief that isn't her brother, no really. 

“No… Yes… But it’s not what you think, please… Can we sit?”

He nods and takes the suitcase when he sees her trying to carry it. It doesn’t weight at all but the belly makes it difficult and of course, her brother noticed and helped

Mango gives her another kick, just a reminder they are there and it’s not an annoying belly. She touches the place where the baby kicked, which earns her a worried look from her brother

It gives her hope. 

Buck is still Buck, they didn't' change him with the secret and the half-lies

“I want you to show you something, it’s in the case”

Buck nods and arranges everything slowly as if it was some kind of ritual. He makes her sit on the sofa while he sits on the couch, the suitcase is ceremoniously put on the coffee table, then he waits for her signal to open the suitcase, which she does immediately.

She knows what is in there

It’s all the cards and photos he had sent her through the years since she moved out of their house

She has kept every single one

She sees his face, shocked and confused as if he wasn’t expecting her to have all those photos

There are photos of him when he was a teenager, scrawny and pale, some of him dressed in a soccer uniform too big for him and exporting the biggest, proudest smile, other more formal like the one of his prom dance, so handsome, he was starting to fill the suit and the girl by his side looked shy and beautiful.

Those were the pictures she got while she was at college, trying to be an adult who could go on without her little brother, and yet she answered every letter he wrote with one of her own and some photos

Those were happy letters and happy moments even though Buck was deep in some teenager drama and sometimes she missed home like crazy

Then he started to grow up and she met Doug and his letters were shorter, the pictures more serious and sometimes they came without remitter. 

He kept sending them even after she stopped sending an answer-back.

Buck looks at the case for a few seconds until he makes the first move and takes one of the photos, it’s one of her favorites.

In the photo, he is sitting in a jeep, dressed like a cowboy and looking at something off-screen while holding some ropes. The background is beautiful and he looks like a model.

The picture is stunning, it takes her breath awa.

She knows what the caption at the back of the picture says.

Buck wrote the place and the date.

Maddie wrote: “He looks stunning, so grown up but so melancholic. Those trees and the lake are beautiful. I wish I was there with you Buck!”

He doesn’t say anything, but he keeps going through all the photos, perhaps he is going down his own memories. She wishes she could know the story behind those pictures, those moments frozen in small pieces of paper and ink

She has her own memories attached to those photos

“You kept them” he is in awe, and it breaks her heart a little he thought she wouldn’t have those photos with her

“Those photos saved my life, Buck”

He looks up at her, his eyes wide and open, reddish and wet. She can feel her own tears falling but she has forgotten when did she start to cry

“I remember when you sent me the first card… It was a little after Doug hit me for the first time… I was scared and things were complicated and I felt so lost, I didn’t know what to do. And then I got that picture and I felt like life was good and I should keep fighting as you did… Every time I got one of those letters from you and saw your pictures I felt encouraged to keep fighting… They… Became the only good thing I had left… A little brother going around the world, having all these adventures, fighting to find your place… It just made me feel if you could do it, then I could do it too. I started to imagine myself by your side in those pictures… Going to South America, Texas, Chicago, New York… They were the only good thing I had left so I had to hide them and keep them away because Doug ripped away anything that made me happy… They were my secret and I had to kept them hidden for so long that now I don’t know how to have them in the open”

“Maddie,” his voice is broken and raw and she wishes she could make him happy with a stupid kids song as she used to do when they were younger, but she can’t, she has to share this with him. She grabs his hand and tries to force him to look at her eyes, she needs him to understand and see she is being honest about this

“See Buck, you were enough for me… You have always been more than enough to me and your existence saved my life…”

He doesn’t say anything, he just breaks down and she does with him

“Please Buck… Don’t leave me” she begs

“Never” 

His answer sounds like a promise, and although she knows nothing has been fixed, no really, she knows they are on the path

She just hopes he understands

And he did


End file.
